Saturday, May 18, 2024

Real Housewives of Orange County: Smoke a joint, get stoned

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The housewives are in matching red-and-black plaid PJs when Heather Dubrow has an idea on this week’s episode of “The Real Housewives of Orange County.”

“Let’s smoke a joint!” she says, and then crouches to try to light her marijuana cigarette like a twig in a campfire in Montana. To no one but Heather’s surprise, this does not work.

“I’m not a huge smoker, but every once in a while I do feel like it’s fun to pull out a joint and have a little puff,” Heather later explains.

A flashback finds Heather, Gina Kirschenheiter, and Shannon Storms Beador at the checkout counter of a marijuana dispensary. When? It’s unclear. The text on screen reads “4 weeks 20 days,” which might mean a captioner was getting high on Heather’s supply.

How much were they buying? Exactly $465.92, according to the receipt we see as Heather peels off hundred dollar bills to pay for her pot.

Soon the joint is alight, and the housewives are high, high, high. How do we know? The show has helpfully edited this footage in “Blur-O-Vision,” so that see what happens inside the Montana lodge where the wives are staying as if we, too, are high – cue the “Twilight Zone” sound effects.

It’s a little disorienting, to be honest, so … it works? Gina pours champagne from a bottle two or three feet above the glasses. Tamra’s pajama bottoms are pulled down to reveal her bare-but-for-a-thong behind. Tamra actually gets the worst of the weed, as she seems to realize as she’s collapsing into bed at 2:35 a.m.

“Heather got me stoned,” she mumbles as she pulls the covers over her head. “She’s a (jerk).”

The next day, their last in Montana before heading back to Orange County, the housewives have their choice of two outings – whitewater rafting or flying fishing. Do the housewives seem like they know which end of the paddle or the pole to hold? That’s probably the point.

Tamra, Taylor and Jenn Pedranti pick the raft, and head off to meet Kevin, a shirtless, easy-going 23-year-old who unbeknownst to him is about to become possibly the most famous river guide in Montana once the episode airs.

The Trouble with Kevin isn’t anything about his rafting skills. He keeps the women in the boat even as they scream going through a few sets of rapids. It’s the short shorts that apparently don’t quite cover all that shorts are supposed to cover.

No big deal, right? It happens. But then our housewives are inclined to act like middle schoolers at the thought, much less the sight, of what they’re seeing, and so we get a full minute or more of commentary on the situation.

Tamra tells the camera she thought she was “going to die.” Jenn gives a too-thorough description of the effect of cold river water on this and that.

“I can’t stop staring at it,” Taylor announces at one point. She does not mean the river.

So here’s to Kevin, the King of the Clark Fork River rafters, may he one day live this down.

Meanwhile, Heather, Shannon and Gina are trying to figure out flying fishing. Check that. They’re trying to figure out how to stay vertical while walking in waders on river rocks. And you can guess how that goes.

“Oh, are you kidding me?” Gina says as she slides in slow-motion into the river, water rushing inside the waders. Heather bends over laughing so hard that she snorts at this.

Shannon goes down next, with Heather not far behind. Shannon shouts that she sees a “lobster” in the river, and they all panic more. Their flying fishing guide, Butch, who wisely wore long pants, says nothing to disabuse of them of the notion that lobsters live in the rivers of Montana.

Scattered throughout the episode is the ongoing storyline of Jenn’s boyfriend Ryan. The previous week, Tamra had told Jenn and the rest of the wives that a friend told her Ryan had once declared Tamra would be his conquest. In so many words.

This stirred up all kinds of drama then, which continues this week. Eventually, back home in Orange County, Jenn tells Ryan what’s been getting said about him.

“Wait, what?” Ryan replies. “She’s serious? Or she’s joking?”

Serious, Jenn tells him. Ryan remains incredulous.

— At dinner the last night in Montana, Jenn orders a Red Bull and Malibu. Heather does the correct thing and face-palms herself at the idea of downing a cocktail mixed from the energy drink and the coconut-flavored rum-based liqueur.

— Gina, who’s been triggered by Jenn’s love life with bad memories of her own failed marriage, goes against Heather’s advice not to bring her current boyfriend Travis into the picture and tells Travis how she’s feeling. It might have been a bad move – talking about your unresolved trauma and your ex-husband with your current beau – but Travis handles it like the good egg he is.

“Should I not talk to you about these things?” Gina asks at one point.

“No, absolutely you should talk with me,” Travis replies. “That’s one of my jobs in the relationship. Lean on me more. I’ve got some pretty big shoulders; let’s go.”

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