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TV and Film writers on both coasts have spent the past three months picketing Hollywood studios in an existential fight for fair pay and better working conditions. With no end to the writers’ strike in sight, scribes have started tightening their belts in observance of what I’m calling, “No Income Summer.”
As a TV writer myself, I have years of experience making no money at all, whatsoever. In times of financial stress, one of the first lifestyle changes I make is to press pause on dinners out, and start preparing my meals at home. If you’re a writer, or craftsperson of any kind affected by the ongoing strike, and you’re looking to cut back on spending, here are a couple tasty recipes I’ve developed based on the nefarious accounting strategies of our corporate overlords.
Recipe No. 1: Mini Room Mini Muffins
One of the biggest concerns of the WGA is that of the “mini room.” Unlike a traditional writers room, where 7-10 writers will work for 12-22 weeks developing, writing and re-writing a show that’s already been green-lit, a mini-room is a smaller group of around 2-3 writers, hired by a studio to develop multiple episodes, or even a full seasons worth of story, before the studio or streamer decides whether or not to actually make the show. Not only are these writers tasked with the workload of a normal sized group of writers, but they’re paid less and disbanded before the show they’ve helped create goes into production (which it often doesn’t, rendering all their hard work valueless).
But, to be fair, if studios didn’t employ financial practices of this kind, how would they be able to afford their CEO’s $25 million severance package for a job poorly done?
With that in mind, here’s the recipe for Mini Room Mini Muffins:
Step 1: Look up a tried and true recipe for normal, appropriately sized muffins that have worked perfectly well for decades.
Step 2: Only purchase one third of the required ingredients, but expect said ingredients to yield a full batch of delicious, regular sized muffins.
Step 3: Place ingredients into a bowl and whisk.
Step 4: Pour a few sad dollops of batter into a muffin tray, then place in the oven for 2-3 minutes. Once wildly underbaked, remove from oven and let cool (you won’t have to).
Step 4: Celebrate the marginal difference you’ve made to your bottom line and enjoy!
Mini Room Mini Muffins are a great snack to make with your kiddos—especially those who have a real lust for baking. Just make sure to have them do all the heavy lifting up top, then swiftly remove them from the kitchen right before their muffins are shared with friends and family. If anyone asks if your kid helped, say no. It’ll sting, but that’s Hollywood, baby!
Recipe No. 2: David Zas-Lava Cake
If you’ve been following strike news, there’s one name you’ve likely heard over and over— David Zaslav.
Zaslav is the current CEO of Warner Bros. Discovery, and the poster-millionaire for corporate greed in the form of tax write-downs.
Do I personally understand what a tax write-down is? Nope. I was a creative writing major in college. Did I come up with a pun-based recipe for a dessert inspired by Zaslav’s art-destroying financial decisions? Yup. I was a creative writing major in college.
Here’s how to make a David Zas-lava Cake:
Step 1: Invite your most talented baker friend to a potluck dinner and politely request that they bake a Lava Cake.
Step 2: Once they arrive, delicious dessert in hand, put on a smile and say, “Oh, let me get that for you!”
Step 3: Take the Lava Cake they spent their precious time, talent, and energy on, and put it on a shelf deep in your pantry, never to be enjoyed by anybody but you, ever again.
Step 4: Once they leave, sad, confused and hungry, feel free to enjoy their creation all by yourself.
Tasty Tip: It’s extra delish if while eating their cake, you meditate on the fact that time is our only non-renewable resource and you just wasted a lot of theirs. Yum!
If you enjoy these recipes, check back for an all-time favorite: Sugar and Residual-Free Banana Bread!
Jason Blackman is an Emmy Award-winning writer and producer
